I’m Different, yeah, I’m Different.

I love writing I just can never get to starting. My mission today is to set a routine for myself to write and design,  Wednesdays & Thursdays. Monday when I can. This way I am not feeling overwhelmed leading to just shutting down and hiding in my house for a week.

blah.

…already distracted…

Back to reality.

I never thought I had focus problems but, as I have gotten older, I definitely do. I hyperfixate on random things, sure, but anything else is so hard to get through. For example starting a project for the day.

Let’s say… clean the snack cabinet.

…Goes to get bowl to smoke…

I start, one shelf at a time, not to get too overwhelmed and cause chaos, making piles of things. One for garbage, one of kid snacks, adult snacks, canned goods, noodles & rices, cereals & crackers, and so on.

You get the idea, right?

BAM! Something that shouldn’t be in there. Something I haven’t seen in a long time. Now I am playing around with whatever the hell I just found, on my way to the room it belongs in.

On the way I have to pee, but I can’t pee because I should smoke a bowl while doing it.

…gets the bowl to smoke…

I sit on the toilet to pee, end up scrolling through memes, smoking weed for 20 minutes.

Snapping back to real time now, I get up, forget the thing I found to put away on the bathroom sink, and decide to shower and take my son to the mall.

Life. Is. Exhausting. 

This is a very small incident too. This goes on and on all day, my entire life. As a child, I had no idea what was wrong with me. Always being told to be normal, go make friends, talk more, and get up earlier. Always having to change myself to appease the sheep.

So. Exhausting.

As an adult, aware of my “problems” now, I see how I can be a lot, nasty for no reason, frustrated having to explain anything that is common sense, waking up in the morning but by midday being a normal human being. Life is different, but I’m not. I am still human. Still a person.

We are all people. Different, but people. Living on this planet together, no where else to go. Help me be a better person by letting me be my person, please. I will always do the same for you, even if you seem “unusual.”

be.

krz