me.

I spend so many years of my life in that room. It consumed me...it let me ruin me. That fucking room.

I have become hooked on figuring out my diagnosis. Obessessing over each mental health disorder to the i have listened to multiple books about different personality disorders, spent hours of research on illnesses and causes and symptoms. Then it hit me....that is my autism. Lmfao. No, I don't like math, I don't need head phones to function, although they help so much...i am just me floating around on this spectrum trying to figure it all out now that I am aware. I don't want

I was accepting being everyones problem, bd one, out of contol or crazy. But I am not those things, I am autistic and never treated.

...working on not being the antagonist.

...today I sulk, write and let the thoughts win because I just don't feel lik fighting them.

The greatest question there is. Who the fuck are you? Who am I? 40s for me are starting off wild. I am having so many revelations about my childhood and myself. Therapy must be part of the reason, but it was happening before. The mid life crisis perhaps. I am 42 and I still don't know who the fuck I am. Do you? I think we all hide who we truly are to some extent. For me, though, I mask every part of me. 42 years of feeling uncomfortable, not ok, alone and, well, lets just say

The night sweats an terrors are fuckin real , yo. Is it all just trauma resurfacing?

I like being transparent and honest, so I will say being on the medications I am on now has really changed my mind. I was always under the

Someone told me you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, and I felt that. Then society told me I can’t because it won’t heal you or is right. So here I am not staying home, avoiding the situation that makes me upset, because it’s a holiday and I’m married into it. I […]

When I’m stressed out, then anxiety, then the depression voices…I completely shut down. My hands go numb or tingle, my heart races, my arm..

I recently decided I need a diagnosis. My entire life has gone by, I am in my 40s, and have always felt out of place. I don’t even know who

This is how I function when I want to do something I really enjoy by myself. There is this beautiful river 20 minutes from where I live.

I just quit my job. This was the job I planned to “retire” at. A place that once gave me a sense of purpose and stability.

As a child, I was kicked out of a doctors office because I was “so bad.” Screaming, crying, and throwing fits didn’t get me far at all.

Once, a neighbor said to my mother, “You know she walks down the street with her head down, right?” All the kids are playing, and she just walks by them with her head down.” It was 9 houses from where my mother lived to my grandparents . 9 houses. A 2 minute stroll that this […]

I deleted my facebook account that I had since the beginning of time. I needed a fresh start. Sick to my stomach constantly about having to see old memories that I removed personally. Along with all this came “friends” that I didn’t add back, either. One in partictular, “THE cool kid,” from childhood. For some […]

Finding the solution in something is so exhilarating! It makes me feel as if I’m a superhero with my chin up and arms on my hips, proud.