All Posts

I spend so many years of my life in that room. It consumed me...it let me ruin me. That fucking room.

Her and I decided to go back to the apartment one last time to look for Shelley. We knew at some point she would return there, she didn't have anywhere else to stay for too long. We drove over there in silence. Both of us going dizzy with the thoughts of the last year, the last few days...everything. A song came on the radio that we both knew well and loved, but neither had the energy to engage. I gripped the wheel while daydreaming ahead. She laid her head on the side window

I have become hooked on figuring out my diagnosis. Obessessing over each mental health disorder to the i have listened to multiple books about different personality disorders, spent hours of research on illnesses and causes and symptoms. Then it hit me....that is my autism. Lmfao. No, I don't like math, I don't need head phones to function, although they help so much...i am just me floating around on this spectrum trying to figure it all out now that I am aware. I don't want

It has been over a year now since I quit my 9-5 and I am still bitter...but better. I miss the money, I miss the stability, I miss being proud of what I did for a living. I am back to being afraid of that inevitable question..."What do you do for a living?" So I hide in social settings again, avoid eye contact so people don't ask me that. I am constantly looking for a way out of being near people. I can't listen when people are talking to me because I just think about what I

Shelley was hiding out in a run down house in the inner city. A place she was used to going when life got out of control. Four of her cronies followed her, although she wanted to be alone. The rage that had taken over her was unbearable. She was laying on a wool blanket trying to recoup...thinking about life before any of this, before she showed up. Reflecting back to when she didn't have this need to kill.

I couldn't comprehend how I was seeing who I was seeing exiting my cave, but it was definitely who I saw. Nikita. Did she just stumble upon it looking for me at my house? Should I walk up to her now? What do I do?! I had no idea at that point so I stayed hidden to see what else she was up to.

I asked jokingly to try and lighten up the mood a bit? She half smiled while waiting for answers. "Yesterday was so bizarre I was trying to forget it, sorry. What is bothering you the most," I asked her. "Seriously? Let's start with you, Shelley's statements...I could go on if you'd like, Meredith!" "I understand babe, I do. Let's figure out what to do, ok?" "Ok," she answered.

After sticking the dude in the woods bones away, I heard the noise of my cave opening. What the fuck? Shit! Fuckkkk! I turned then to get a glance of who has discovered my place but the hatch was already shut. Who or whatever that was was in there now realizing someone was living down there, made a home underground in the damp, bug filled hole would surely send any human into a panic. But there were no screams. An unusual reaction but ok. Come on...come on out. Show yourself,

While drifting in and out of consciousness, I had a flashback of when I was a child watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer wishing to be Kristy Swanson, this wasn't how I had imagined it to be though. Was I dreaming right now? Did Shelley and I fall asleep? That's when I hit the ground and felt my body slowly come to. When I had full feeling again, I could place some pressure on the wound I had on my neck. I could not stand, though. I was extremely weak so I laid there ...

I was accepting being everyones problem, bd one, out of contol or crazy. But I am not those things, I am autistic and never treated.

...working on not being the antagonist.

A month ago I ate for the last time. There hasn't been anyone worthwhile since. I refuse to kill just to eat, so I wait for the right human to come along. I never want to take a politician, for instance. They taste like that one nasty nut you randomly eat in the jar, spoils everything. The taste lingers no matter what you try to do to remove it. Rotten from the inside out most of them. I also refuse to make them immortal.

The taste of her blood was intoxicating, making my body shiver. In the heat of the moment, while in starvation, it can become impossible to control my emotions. I hadn't ate in over a year, then all of this. I was beginning to turn into everything I hated without control, but what other choice did I have?

...today I sulk, write and let the thoughts win because I just don't feel lik fighting them.

The greatest question there is. Who the fuck are you? Who am I? 40s for me are starting off wild. I am having so many revelations about my childhood and myself. Therapy must be part of the reason, but it was happening before. The mid life crisis perhaps. I am 42 and I still don't know who the fuck I am. Do you? I think we all hide who we truly are to some extent. For me, though, I mask every part of me. 42 years of feeling uncomfortable, not ok, alone and, well, lets just say

My only explanation for anything happening in the US right now is a result of pedophiles and brainwashing. Trump is literally keeping his name "clean" while blackmailing powerful people to gain more power & money. From brainwashing his followers, to trying to take over his own government, to protecting billionaires & pedophiles, to now starting wars... any other person would have been impeached & removed years ago. The immorality, inhumane decisions & lies that have taken o

The night sweats an terrors are fuckin real , yo. Is it all just trauma resurfacing?

I can not stand when people don’t use their blinkers. It makes me want to just ram into them because fuck you, that’s why!

I like being transparent and honest, so I will say being on the medications I am on now has really changed my mind. I was always under the

I have been door dashing to bring in money so I don’t have to work with people. I honestly think about what others think of my choices, and fuck them, I now know I can literally do anything, yet in the end I burn out and get bored. I find issues and get the hell […]