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...my secret identity that was not cool at all. I did not help anyone. I didn't care about crime. I cared about your blood. Your body. The pureness of your soul. Draining you dry with my mouth as I watched the life slip from your face. I was the monster.

...today I sulk, write and let the thoughts win because I just don't feel lik fighting them.

The greatest question there is. Who the fuck are you? Who am I? 40s for me are starting off wild. I am having so many revelations about my childhood and myself. Therapy must be part of the reason, but it was happening before. The mid life crisis perhaps. I am 42 and I still don't know who the fuck I am. Do you? I think we all hide who we truly are to some extent. For me, though, I mask every part of me. 42 years of feeling uncomfortable, not ok, alone and, well, lets just say

My only explanation for anything happening in the US right now is a result of pedophiles and brainwashing. Trump is literally keeping his name "clean" while blackmailing powerful people to gain more power & money. From brainwashing his followers, to trying to take over his own government, to protecting billionaires & pedophiles, to now starting wars... any other person would have been impeached & removed years ago. The immorality, inhumane decisions & lies that have taken o

The night sweats an terrors are fuckin real , yo. Is it all just trauma resurfacing?

I can not stand when people don’t use their blinkers. It makes me want to just ram into them because fuck you, that’s why!

I like being transparent and honest, so I will say being on the medications I am on now has really changed my mind. I was always under the

I have been door dashing to bring in money so I don’t have to work with people. I honestly think about what others think of my choices, and fuck them, I now know I can literally do anything, yet in the end I burn out and get bored. I find issues and get the hell […]

Someone told me you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, and I felt that. Then society told me I can’t because it won’t heal you or is right. So here I am not staying home, avoiding the situation that makes me upset, because it’s a holiday and I’m married into it. I […]

Tell me about the incompetence in the food industry today. OK, I will just tell you. I door dash currently while I’m dealing with my healing process, so I am always out and about. Starbucks and Burger King are literally the worst place to come to. The workers will literally stand there until you ask […]

I have realized that whenever I have a breakdown aka meltdown I come out of it with a new hairstyle. I have had short hair since I was 18,

I love writing I just can never get to starting. My mission today is to set a routine for myself to write and design, Wednesdays & Thursdays. Monday when I can. This way I am not feeling overwhelmed leading to just shutting down and hiding in my house for a week. blah. …already distracted… Back […]

One of the counselors I went to briefly asked me, “In your perfect world, what would make you completely happy?” Of course I panicked and

4 people are here, including myself. It is so overwhelming. Everyone talks at once, 3 people talking usually about something different, and then ask me a question in the middle of it and I literally don’t even know what conversation to listen or focus on, let alone answer any questions or continue any conversation. Then […]

When I’m stressed out, then anxiety, then the depression voices…I completely shut down. My hands go numb or tingle, my heart races, my arm..

You know the people that constantly have to make conversation? They will literally randomly tell me a story about some guy from 20 years ago just because the room is quiet. It drives me insane! It’s quiet! Shut up! It’s like this nervous twitch. Making noise makes them comfortable, but me extremely uncomfortable. I’m 100% […]

I’m hitting burn out bad. I can’t even write this because things are needed of me. I can’t fucking breathe anymore. Oh, it’s a bad day. Oh..

I recently decided I need a diagnosis. My entire life has gone by, I am in my 40s, and have always felt out of place. I don’t even know who

This is how I function when I want to do something I really enjoy by myself. There is this beautiful river 20 minutes from where I live.

I just quit my job. This was the job I planned to “retire” at. A place that once gave me a sense of purpose and stability.