Today

There are so many things I want to get done. My mind is running crazy today. I want to paint the office because I hate unfinished projects and the plaster over the old holes is getting old itself. So I was searching amazon for paint supplies but stopped myself before buying them. That is a huge step in the right direction. I will come back to that after some time of thinking about it. I am trying not to be so complusive, the struggle is real. I never even knew I was complusive until recently and now I can't imagine how I never knew.

Now I'm writing this thinking I need to talk to my therapist about that. ha!

I complusively quit jobs, give up, shop, among others. It has always been an issue. .... Now I am drifting...

Today I struggled trying to set up this website and it consumes me. Doing everything alone, without prior knowledge on most things, is draining. On top of that I haven't made a single sale this year. I'm in the slump everyon talks about. Can I hack it, wait it out? I want results now, at least something, but I get it. I will find my audience. Just not today.

I keep having work flashbacks today and it is driving me crazy. Replaying everything over and over in my head until I am upset. I hate my mind sometimes. I am still so angry about it all, yet am glad I am not there. The I need justice in me is eating my insides apart. Almost like a bad break up, sucks. This too shall pass, though. Just not today.

Today I sulk, write and let the thoughts win because I don't feel like fighting them.

Ugh, today.

-krz