...today I sulk, write and let the thoughts win because I just don't feel lik fighting them.

The greatest question there is. Who the fuck are you? Who am I? 40s for me are starting off wild. I am having so many revelations about my childhood and myself. Therapy must be part of the reason, but it was happening before. The mid life crisis perhaps. I am 42 and I still don't know who the fuck I am. Do you? I think we all hide who we truly are to some extent. For me, though, I mask every part of me. 42 years of feeling uncomfortable, not ok, alone and, well, lets just say

Someone told me you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, and I felt that. Then society told me I can’t because it won’t heal you or is right. So here I am not staying home, avoiding the situation that makes me upset, because it’s a holiday and I’m married into it. I […]

I have realized that whenever I have a breakdown aka meltdown I come out of it with a new hairstyle. I have had short hair since I was 18,

I just quit my job. This was the job I planned to “retire” at. A place that once gave me a sense of purpose and stability.

As a child, I was kicked out of a doctors office because I was “so bad.” Screaming, crying, and throwing fits didn’t get me far at all.

Once, a neighbor said to my mother, “You know she walks down the street with her head down, right?” All the kids are playing, and she just walks by them with her head down.” It was 9 houses from where my mother lived to my grandparents . 9 houses. A 2 minute stroll that this […]