Functioning Alone

This is how I function when I want to do something I really enjoy by myself.

There is this beautiful river 20 minutes from where I live. To be honest the city I live in has plenty of fresh water to see and play at. Today I am having a depressed morning so instead of making money like I should be, hence the reason I’m depressed right now, I decided to find a nice spot by the water to decompress at. It is chilly and breezy, meaning I won’t last here long. In order for me to get to the spot I am right now, I had to take the “anxiety route.”

Drive past the area you want to be in first. Check it out. Are there too many people? Are there bathrooms? Now, parking? I need to park facing the water but no where near any other cars or people. It cannot be in the direct sun either. Once that is established, I can move onto how to get into the parking area I want to be in. No matter what I panic and turn super awkward into the lot. I see people parked in their cars, panic more, go down the one way side because of it. Now I have to floor it to recover, park way at the end, no where near anyone. 🙃 

I made it! I’m here. No one stopped me. The cops didn’t come ask me why I’m here being weird. PHEW!

I park, calmly now. I’m good. Comfortable. Then the look around the area before I exit. Everything seems up to standards for me to get out. Gather my things I need. Coffee, phone, vape, should grab my knife to be prepared but I won’t, oh, my sweatshirt! Ok, let’s do this! Get out, stretch awkwardly for no reason, zip my sweater up, look both ways and walk. Walking, I’m doing it, walking. Nope, turn, too windy that way. Now we are good. Ahhhh, fresh air. Sips coffee. Water is really just beautiful.  Ok enough walking, sit down. I find two Adirondack chairs and sit. Besides this wind, it’s great right here. I’m enjoying it! 😃

**The spot is refreshing so I will attach the videos with this blog.**

The fuck with this wind! I have to leave. I am so tense now. My legs are crossed tightly, my teeth are clenched, I’m starving but won’t eat, and now I’m freezing because of this fucking wind. I have a hood up, my glasses on, and a baseball hat on… still uncomfortable, ughh!

In my car and feel much more secure. Warm and no wind making my body shiver and eyes water.

10 minutes. All of that happened in 10 minutes.

krz