quit my job

I just quit my job.

This was the job I planned to “retire” at. A place that once gave me a sense of purpose and stability.  My absence is bringing them peace and joy, that pisses me off, but my mental health is better already.

I took 2 Xanax because I didn’t want to feel anything today. Lowest dose pill, that I never take, so chill. Wish I felt even better, honestly. 

The owner of this company I looked up to as a father, weird I guess, but I did. I felt like he listened and respected what I had to say, no one gave me that at work before. Turned out, all of that opening up and thinking he was a work father figure, was information he was gathering to use in times like these.  Everything is always business and business means covering your ass at all costs.

The owner of the company has informed me that the things I am claiming are not true, “and you know it.” So what do I do?

The Operations Manager has supported the aggression that one manager is expressing, showing me it is not wrong behavior. Now I am uncomfortable in multiple ways and letting me spiral into resignation is easier than fixing the problems. Which I am then told in the last meeting we had, from the manager that’s had the issues with me, I AM THE ONLY ONE WITH THE PROBLEMS. After which, I reiterate since I am the problem (as I am the only one with them) it is time I quit then. The owner asks who said that about me, and no one says anything, so I understand the last statement was not made, apparently.

My decision was then made.

That was the last meeting before I resigned.

6 years ago I started my career by applying for a delivery driver job with this company. My second interview consisted of math problems and a typing test, on top of the normal talking part. I thought that was strange for a driving spot, but here I was. The communication part went great, in my opinion. I wasn’t stressed that I had to get this job, so I was just myself and honest…laid back even. It felt great not having to pretend to be something in order to get something. The 2 interviewing me were laid back too. The atmosphere was exactly what I’d been looking for. Jackpot, I thought!

That was how it began. I was offered a position that they somewhat made up for me to fill. It was combined with many department tasks, but I was ready and happy. I began with making promotional items for customer shipments…the tedious work. I love tedious work!! WOO! I learned how to input customer orders, freight orders, and payment processing. I took care of the backend warehouse order fulfillments, assisted the warehouse team, and built relationships with the inbound drivers. Life was rolling, man. I was gaining everyone’s trust and confidence, all while just being me and working… doing the things I saw needed to be done.

Then, one stormy day, LOL…not really….The owner asked me about becoming the operations manager and that he wants to bring in a friend of his to work in my spot. Ummm…YES!  I made it! They see who I am and what I bring to the table, even without a degree or training. SMILING EAR TO EAR!!!

Being in my own office, in charge, I was so fucking high. hahaha. Not too long after, however, the high faded.

We were launching a new system for the company to use and of course things were stressful. It was all new and, honestly, disorganized from my end. I can adapt to things, but it got to the point where I was never being informed or trained on anything new. The other departments had regular meetings to train and see the new system, but operations got shut out. I got shut out. Then when meetings came that I was involved in, I was completely clueless as to what was being discussed. My isolation began then. I started shutting down as I felt the atmosphere around me caving in.

How was I supposed to manage a team with no info to run with. No knowledge. No ability to plan. What the actual fuck!?  My breaking point with that came in a zoom and after sitting there listening to the team discuss business with no  knowledge or any of  it, the owner “woke” me up by asking about outlets near the new service area. Oh, um, right…ok, outlets. LOL I got snotty about it. SMH. TF?!?!?

After hiring and firing a director of operations, who had me doing work I had never done before, with no training, the owner telling me I WILL do what he asks, the old manager not guiding me or training me in anything, I was done. Overwhelmed was an understatement, and with my  personal life also hitting an ultimate high stress level, I started giving up.

I felt out of the loop on important details to perform my job properly, I wasn’t moving forward in my position even though I had the title, my pay only went up 2 bucks, I didn’t have answers to give my team when asked, I was expected to handle everything all while having no knowledge to do it. It was a disaster on my end and I was over it.

After having a mini mental breakdown, stepping down, and taking a month leave of absence, I came back and nothing was ever the same. I was in a good mental state, but the place never healed. They were still in the old state, with a new boss in charge. The team negated a couple processes I implemented too. 1 month, and they were like fuck your process. OK, no worries, not my problem anymore. Then problems started happening again and they went back to doing the stuff I had in place before. Weird.

My focus shifted to my personal life trying to have a baby,  so I didn’t pay much attention to the work stuff much. Did my job and went home, laughed about the stupid shit. After the baby came and I returned after 4 months of maternity leave, the dynamics there weren’t terrible. I expected to come back to chaos and it was only moderately understocked. They brought in another 2 employees in that time, though. 2 people were hired and 1 was brought into my spot. 2 extra people to do cover 1 persons job. Ok. I got right back into the flow of things, with life continuing on. Soon, however, an employee hurt himself and somehow turned into only a forklift driver with an occasional delivery route. He wouldn’t do anything else. He would sit on the forklift for his 8 hour shift, driving back and forth, waiting for work to do. Other times, sitting in park watching his coworkers and managers work around him. He would watch me do my part of work and move right behind me. It made me so uncomfortable. My part of the work would take on average a hour. For 1 hour there was nothing he could do but make me uncomfortable and feel rushed just so he “looked busy.” It was something everyone was made aware of, and he was the only one who would still do it to me. So that kept building for me and as things got more petty with the guys, how they would and wouldn’t do their work, I just lost all hope. I stopped speaking up, stopped noticing things, and isloated myslef completely. After incidents with that employee and the manager and nothing ever being done about it, it boiled up and I lost my cool a couple times. Frustration was steaming everyday from my head. It was becoming so hard to work for people like this. For management like this. Things weren’t making sense anymore. Speaking up was getting me singled out, so I was done.

I didn’t ask questions, suggest anything, nothing anymore. I put on a happy face and let things be. Then one day the owner asked me something in front of the 2 guys, and I answered, which they didn’t like. From that moment, until the day I walked out, that manager did everything in his power to push me over the limit.

It was subtle things that couldn’t really be proven, but he knew would upset me. Things that were fine doing them one way, but weren’t the norm to do them that way. When I brought situations up, as I was part of the operations team, I felt disregarded. I would be told, “well, you give us an idea then,” and I stated I would not do their jobs for them anymore, but that these were my concerns for them to review. I stepped down for a reason, but I was still apart of the operational side of things, they just didn’t like it. Everything had to come from the 3 “cool” guys now. All my opinions “from someone who didn’t want a managers job,” were hurting their egos, and too fucking bad.

It became aware to me, that as a manager, they thought I was controlling and micromanaging them all the time, but in reality the problem they had was with me addressing the areas that were lacking to improve the efficiency of the workforce, as a manager is paid to do. So once I stepped down , their worlds opened up and everything I mirco-managed them on was kicked out the door, and the big boys were in charge of themselves now.

Can you see how the animosity, resentment, and anger kept feeding on itself? How the operations manager swore on his first-born child that he won’t mirco-manage his employees while staring me dead in the eyes every time he says it? Ok, great. The boys club was developed and I was not included in their thought processes or plans.

So after I answered the owner’s question that one day, the manager started questioning why I am doing almost everything. He would move things differently and not say anything about it, then get loud after my work was done as to why I did it that way. Then finally it all came down to a day when I thought I was actually being over the top by triple checking my work because things were, once again, set up differently with no direction. He watched me as he worked from 10 feet away, and as soon as I walked away, he walked over and yelled for my attention. He told me what I did wrong. I replied sarcastically,  “ok, no big deal, I can fix it and it, it’ll get filled anyways.” He then lost his shit and got loud, asking me, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU,” and pointing for all to hear and see. My switch went right off to fight mode and I said “FUCK YOU!”

Fuck him! Don’t speak to people that way, this isn’t the military or your home. If you want resepect give it, asshole. Your title doesn’t give you shit but more money and duties, you’re a human being to me, bro. I treat you as you treat me, simple.

He kept yelling things as I left the situation. After storming into the operation manager’s office, I yelled at him about being a coward and to manage. I reported this incident to the owner and informed him I would be leaving because this situation is no longer comfortable for me. The next day I was off and the day after that we had a meeting. Nothing in the meeting was solved. I vented my problems and concerns, they listened, said there was nothing they could do further to change anything, but they would talk to the one employee who has been making homophobic statements. Which they did, and that person apologized to me for speaking that way…wait for it… “at work.” Nothing got better after that, much worse actually. The pettiness from both parties was getting out of hand, but no one was addressing it. I asked once if I was  doing something right and the manager literally told my coworker not to speak to me because “she knows what to do.” Isloated even more. We continued to butt heads and bicker until the day another meeting happened, this time with the owner as well.

The 3 managers sat around me at a large conference table and I listened to the owner introduce the conversation for me to start. (why was this only my issue to speak on? This has been an ongoing problem  in the workplace for monhs now and no one else has issues?) The manager stated, “she is the only one with the problem,” but stopped midway and redirected himself, I said “well, clearly I am the only problem here, so,” and was cut off by the owner saying, “I don’t recall anyone saying that, did someone here say that?” I stated yes, he said who, so I said the manager’s name. The room went silent. I sat with my head down knowing, now, nothing here is being resolved for the better. This had to be the end of my 6 years there. When we got to the personal side of things, so some reason that was relevant here, it was shown that the manager is acting differently because he is “going through a really hard divorce.” It wasn’t stated, but was clearly implied by the operations manager, that I should have compassion for him during this time and let all this go because of it. Conduct MYSELF professionally and work as a team.

FUCK YOU!

Remember not too long ago, I took a leave of absence because I was “going through a really rough time.” REMEMBER that? I did that so my coworkers didn’t have to deal with personal issues and I could get help to work through them. Unfuckingreal!

The manager stormed out of the room after I loudly told himhis divorce isn’t my problem at work and to stop treating me like his exwife. Thats when the ops. manager turned and looked me in the eye and said you know he is going through a really bad divorce.” I said my words to him, mainly about handling this situation and looked at the owner and said sorry, this is it for me. I am resigning.

The few days after that, I was misinformed of our parking lot being closed when everyone else knew. The Ops. manager said he sent a message in the chat. I looked, it was sent after work hours. That morning in the warehouse it was in a disarry because we got a shipment in and they line the skids up instead of putting them right away. So I brought the order out and tossed it up onto the desk because there wasn’t room to get to it. It fell, of course and the manager sternly says “don’t throw orders on the desk,” and I quietly said “ok, will do.” There is no point in saying anything anymore to  him. I kept walking andhe kept yelling things and saying “I’m the warehouse manager” over and over until I got to the door and finally said “just shut up!” He screamed “YOU CAN GO HOME!” So I let my manager know i was being sent home and leaving by the warehouse manager for dropping a clipboard. On Thursday morning I logged into my work account to see if there was anything I needed to know for Friday, I’m off on Thursdays. That’s when, after work hours, I saw a message was sent about the Ops. Man. being off. That would leave me alone with the manager who has been making work uncomfortable, along with no plan, and a crew that will stand in a room with me and not say anything, LMAO. So I let all the managers that I report to know I will be taking a personal day on Friday.I

Monday, pop 2 Xanax to not feel or care, and get into work. Everyone is there, all lights, in all rooms are on, ready to go, except my room, which is a neutral workstation. Lol. But, ookkk, thumbs up, cool. Turned on the lights to see a pallet full of supplies. (Laugh and shrug with arms up) I never knew that order was coming, and never seen the manager put pallets inside the office space. Recently, and in the last 3 meetings, I asked for things to be handled when I am not there because it’s the right thing to do, and is done for all other employees when off. (Shrugs again)

I was told things would be handled when I’m off but that never happened. This pallet was also placed in front of a door, and leaving me with no space to work, on the busiest day of the week. Yet, if I say something I just have another problem. So I began my shipping.

The operations manager walks in, “says Good morning, how are you?” I say nothing but point at that skid left for me to do because I was off. He said “they told me they put it away,” I stated “Nope, just more lies and this is why I have the issues I do,” he said, “Yep”, and left. Soon later said he would put it away.

5 minutes into my shift this was, and I caused more problems. I wasn’t looking for them. I showed up to work to make sure they were good before my last day, but all they showed me is that they had it handled and didn’t care about my “issues.” Here was another jab at me. Another fuck you we don’t care what you want or need. They couldn’t even manage to make the warehouse comfortable after multiple incidents, so why should I expect anything else.

I then messaged the owner to report this incident, because fuck it at this point. I asked again to be paid out my last days and vacation so this can all end already. It has also been shown that they will not fire or lay me off, regardless of the problems occurring between everyone in those departments, including me.

“We can discuss this tomorrow when I am in.” (you were supposed to be here Monday, today, but ok)

“They were down 3 people Friday including a late call-in. Maybe some understanding would be nice.”(I was the “late call in. I let them know 2 days in advance)

Maybe some fucking understanding on my part. Their lack of everything is why they can’t complete tasks and why we always end up blaming something or someone else.

Why is all of this happening?!!? Arghhhhh…

I didn’t respond with that, but I did say “Maybe a little understanding on my part, also, would help. Can I please just be paid out my time so everyone can be comfortable again.”

“You already resigned and may quit at any time you like,”  was the last statement from a man I looked up to.

So that was that for me. He was the only support I ever felt I had there or at any workplace, but it dawned on me then, I turned into his only problem too. They didn’t understand how I felt, I didn’t know how else to communicate it, and he blamed it on something I confided in him 6 years ago, also, that a man’s divorce was an ok reason to snap at employees and make them uncomfortable.

I never asked for anything unreasonable, they chose to watch me struggle and seemed, to me, to enjoy it. So my rage and resentment grew, as did my autistic isolation tendencies, and then no one would speak to me at all.

When 2 colleagues, who have been perfect working partners for 6 years, get into it, and nothing is done to calm the situation…..things fucking get out of hand.

When certain people, including at least one manager, begin to be vindictive because you spoke out about the way they do things that affect your job, any person would start to feel attacked and uncomfortable. One answer was well give us a suggestion…yeah fuck off. I’m not doing your job. For once handle and manage an actual problem. I stepped down as manager, I don’t want the stress, so now the managers have to think and problem solve, not me. I am an employee with a few problems that have now caused this manager to grow an ego and a power trip. No one wants your job, bro, I wanted you to manage…do your job. LOL

I quit that day. I grabbed the rest of my belongings, deleted everyone from that place off my socials, said I’ve had enough, I’m done, I officially quit and didn’t look back.

6 years of being a part of that family and feeling proud and fulfilled, came down to me being the only problem they couldn’t solve.